Past National Conference Videos

Past National Conference Videos

 

 

NACG launches childhood bereavement PSA Series

Each year, millions of children have a parent, brother, or sister die. Grief can be hard, so these children need the support of people who care. The National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) is committed to a world where no child grieves alone and has created a series of public service announcements to raise awareness about the needs of children and teens grieving a death and provide education and resources to anyone who wants to support them.

 

View the English language 30 second version →

View the English language 15 second version →

View the Spanish language 60 second version →

View the Spanish language 30 second version →

View the Spanish language 15 second version →

 

 

National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) Announces New Board Members

LUBBOCK, TX, December 1, 2023- With nominations coming from across the nation and following an election by the membership of the organization, the National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) are pleased to announce that its membership and Board of Directors have elected Kevin Carter, Lindsey Whissel Fenton, Cathy Fox, Annette R. March-Grier, Debbie Meyer, and Leila W. Salisbury, as members of the Board of Directors for the National Alliance for Children’s Grief. Their three-year term of service begins on January 1, 2024. The National Alliance for Children’s Grief is honored to have Kevin, Lindsey, Cathy, Annette, Debbie, and Leila join our mission of serving bereaved children and their families and helping ensure that no child grieves alone

 


 

Kevin Carter, MSW, LCSW

For the past 40 years, Kevin has spent his career working in several formal and informal capacities focused on helping families heal after facing a traumatic event in life. Kevin has worked in a range of human service and academic institutions across the country and is a highly respected and nationally known clinician, administrator, and educator. This long-spanning career in service, combined with his natural lived experience in service, has allowed Kevin to develop a perspective that very few practitioners can obtain.

Kevin has a strong belief that his approach to accomplishing his established goals starts with examining the impact of childhood loss and grief experiences from the lens of his psychosocial development as an African American male growing up in the South and as a social work practitioner. Kevin believes that despite growth in understanding African American grief, there is a need for developing approaches to education and intervention that inspire hope and courage to make a change. He further believes that the emphasis on perceived pathology and the problem-focused approach has led social workers to shy away from advocacy and prosocial approaches to healing in communities of color.

Kevin feels that the clinical field has had a long history of practice with African American individuals, families, and communities who are coping with grief and trauma. A foundational element of this practice is to challenge social injustice. He hopes that his approach to issues through his consulting platform will help participants to develop historical and contemporary frameworks for understanding how African American children and families cope with grief and ongoing injustices related to death, dying and living by exploring systemic and relational approaches that honor the unique cultural and historical experiences of African Americans.

 


 

Lindsey Whissel Fenton

Lindsey Whissel Fenton is an Emmy award-winning storyteller who is passionate about using media to build empathy and connection. She currently works as a senior producer and director at the PBS/NPR affiliate station WPSU, where she uses her experience as a creator, outreach strategist, fundraiser, and learning designer to develop and deliver meaningful content to local, regional, and national audiences.

For the past five years, Whissel Fenton has focused her work almost exclusively on projects related to grief awareness and mental health. She produced and directed Speaking Grief, a multiplatform initiative that works to create a more grief-aware society. The initiative received three Emmy® Nominations (Mid-Atlantic Chapter), including one for Interactive Media. Whissel Fenton continues to manage Speaking Grief’s social media presence; to date, @wpsugrief has micro-influencer status on Instagram, with more than 27,000 followers.

Whissel Fenton has presented and served as a panelist on cultivating successful educational outreach and engagement to a variety of media and education organizations, including the National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG), the Association for Death Education Counseling (ADEC), the International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association (ICCFA) Education Foundation, the National Educational Telecommunications Association (NETA), American Public Television (APT), the PBS Annual Meeting, and Comic Con San Diego, among others. She earned her bachelor’s degree in Cinema and Digital Arts from Point Park University and her master’s degree in Learning, Design, and Technology from Penn State.

Whissel Fenton is a dog-mom, an avid reader, and rock climber.

 


 

Cathy Fox, MSW

Cathy Fox serves as Assistant Professor and Field Education Director for the Social Work Program at Creighton University. As an alum of the program herself, she enjoys educating and supporting students as they prepare to become future helping professionals. Prior to moving to academia, she served over eight years as the Program Director and Director of Operations at Grief’s Journey, a center for grieving families in Omaha, NE. Her expertise includes social work practice in the field of grief and loss, grounded in trauma, child development, and family systems, with a strong background in mental health, suicide, and nonprofit administration. She formerly served on the Board of Directors for NASW-NE (National Association of Social Workers); is an active member of NASW, NACG Education Committee, Association of Baccalaureate Social Work Program Directors (BPD), and Council on Social Work Education (CSWE); and regularly presents at national conferences for these organizations. As a college faculty working with rising professionals, she has a particular interest in self-care, trauma-informed classrooms, and mental health among young adults.

 


 

Annette R. March-Grier, RN., C.F.S.P.

Annette R. March-Grier, RN., C.F.S.P., is a native Baltimorean, and Vice President of a family business; March Funeral Homes located in Maryland, Washington DC and Virginia. She is a registered nurse, a mortician and the visionary of Roberta’s House Inc., a non-profit Family Grief Support Center founded in 2007, by the March family in honor of their matriarch, Julia Roberta March. Annette is the President, and has lead the way for grief education and support for grieving children and families in Baltimore for more than 38 years. A teacher, counselor, trainer and leader, with her compassionate staff, provides a safe place for children and adults to heal and recover from the death of someone close. Roberta’s House provides trauma informed care and addresses grief as a public health service through education and over 15 peer support programs. Children, adults, and families suffering the loss or death of a loved one receive support and a safe place to heal and recover. To date Roberta’s House has provided support services to

more than 10,000 children and adults and trained over 800 community volunteers that support their programs. Roberta’s House conducts grief support programs for individuals of all ages and types of death losses as well as professional workshops for the community. It is the first bereavement center to be founded by African Americans in the U.S. to address the inequities for people of color with grief and mental health resources.

In January of 2021, March-Grier fundraised and successfully completed the construction of the first bereavement center in Baltimore Maryland to serve children and families. The center is located on the same landmark that her parents operated the funeral home from 1957-1980. The 22,000 square foot facility is a state of the art bereavement center that is one of a kind in the US to provide bereavement care and counseling for the underserved and people of color.

Annette is a recipient of numerous awards and achievements. She received the National Caring Award in October, 2016 which includes her induction into the Caring Hall of Fame located in the Frederick Douglas Museum on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C. In addition, she was selected by CNN, the world leader in news, as one of the top ten CNN heroes, 2014 for changing the world.

 


 

Debbie Meyer

Debbie Meyer has extensive background in leading nonprofits as the present executive director for Erin’s House for Grieving Children the past 15 years and, prior to that, the leader of Children’s Hope Hospital Hospitality House. She also spent time as the marketing director for a winning Indianapolis 500 race car driver and has over 20 years’ experience as an executive in corporate marketing.

Debbie is an adjunct professor at Huntington University since 2014 teaching classes in grant writing, nonprofit management, and leadership. Most recently, she participated in the Foellinger Foundation Leadership Lab—a one-year program comprised of twelve Northeast Indiana leaders and designed to develop adaptive leadership skills.

Debbie is proud of her time as former board member and secretary on the executive committee for the National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG). She has also served as a board member for Cancer Services of Northeast Indiana, Visiting Nurse, and Leadership Fort Wayne.

She has a bachelor’s degree in business management from Indiana Wesleyan University and a master’s degree in nonprofit administration from University of Central Florida—obtaining these while working full-time and raising a family. In April 2021, Debbie became a Certified Leadership Coach through the International Coaching Federation and Certified Coaches Alliance.

In her spare time, she loves to read, travel, cheer on Indiana University basketball and Notre Dame football with her family, and help at her church.

• Fun fact: Erin’s House and Debbie are a featured chapter in American Spirit by Taya Kyle and Jim DeFelice, 2019 – Pages 164-172

 


 

Leila W. Salisbury

Leila W. Salisbury is the executive director of The Kentucky Center for Grieving Children and Families (KCGCF), which she founded in 2020. She currently serves on the Membership Committee of the National Alliance for Children’s Grief. She is trained on the Peer Healing Curriculum as part of a pilot program with the University of Chicago Medical School; the KCGCF is one of two pilot sites in the country for this teen-led, evidence-based grief support curriculum. She has also worked as a volunteer with the McClean Fletcher Center (a children’s grief center in Jackson, MS) and raised a grieving child after her husband died when her daughter was 5. Prior to founding the KCGCF, she spent 25 years in scholarly publishing, serving as director of the University Press of Mississippi and the University Press of Kentucky. In these roles, she was also active in the Association of American University Presses, serving on its board of directors and numerous committees. She is a graduate of Davidson College (NC) and has a MA from the University of Kentucky.

 



About The National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG)

The National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) is a nonprofit organization that raises awareness about the needs of children and teens who are grieving a death and provides education and resources for anyone who supports them. Through the collective voice of our members and partners, we educate, advocate, and raise awareness about childhood bereavement.

The NACG is a nationwide network comprised of professionals, institutions, and volunteers who promote best practices, educational programming, and critical resources to facilitate the mental, emotional, and physical health of grieving children and their families. For more information, visit: www.ChildrenGrieve.org.

Alliance in Action: Quarter 1 2023 Report

 

In the News | 2023 National Conference and Webcast | Teen Grief Journal Launched in English & Spanish | Equity Project Begins
Grief Reach 2023 Cycle 1 Recipients Awarded | Educational Webinars | Board of Directors | Additional Updates

 

NACG in the News: 

 



2023 National Conference and Webcast

We hosted the first National Conference and Webcast on March 21st in Baltimore, MD. Eleanor Haley, MS, and Litsa Williams, MA, LCSW-C presented on the important topic, “Supporting Children and Families Following an Overdose Death,” to a live audience in Roberta’s House and community audiences across the country. “Provisional data from CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics indicate that there were an estimated 100,306 drug overdose deaths in the United States during a 12-month period ending in April 2021, an increase of 28.5% from the 78,056 deaths during the same period the year before” (Center for Disease Control, 2021). Supporting the communities impacted by this epidemic is a critical issue across the United States. Despite its prevalence, the impact on children and families the impact of accompanying grief isn’t well-researched and often remains overshadowed and misunderstood. The speakers shared their knowledge and insights and provided strategies for supporting those dealing with the most common complex issues of substance-related grief in children and adults, including disenfranchised grief, guilt, blame, anxiety and hypervigilance, relief, and introducing basic coping tools for individuals and support systems. Specific attention will be given to the needs of children and tools for assisting caregivers in supporting children grieving substance-related deaths.

Thank you to our speakers, our lead sponsor, Dignity Memorial, our host, Roberta’s House, and organizations nationwide who convened their community for education on this topic. We look forward to our next National Conference and Webcast in early 2024.


Teen Grief Journal Launched in English and Spanish

On March 21st, the NACG launched its Teen Grief Journal in both English and Spanish. This book was developed in collaboration with teens who are grieving. The NACG was intentional in involving the teens in every step of the process and includes supportive quotes from them on every page.

Thanks to MAPA Translations, who are our partner in the development of all our Spanish language resources.

 

 


Equity Project Begins

We were proud to launch the NACG Equity Project in Q1, 2023 answering this need for dedicated training in the area of Justice, Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (J.E.D.I). This project makes six hours of dedicated training available to participants at no charge, thanks to the support of our partner, the New York Life Foundation. The program reached capacity registration within a week of launch, signaling the commitment of the professional childhood bereavement network we support to this critical area. Training associated with this initiative will continue into Q2 2023.

In addition, the NACG Board continued centering Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Justice through direct participation in the Equity Project.

 



Grief Reach 2023 Cycle 1 Recipients Awarded

In partnership with New York Life Foundation, Grief Reach entered its 12th year of advancing bereavement support for children through a dedicated funding opportunity. The first cycle of Grief Reach in 2023 focused on funding for capacity-building opportunities. Congratulations to the following organizations who were funded as part of the cycle: Caring Matters, MD; New Hope Grief Support, CA; Mourning Hope, NE; New Hope for Kids, FL; Children’s Bereavement Center of the Rio Grande Valley, TX; Na Keiki O Emalia, HI; Ele’s Place, MI; Youth First, IN; Sharing Kindness, MA; The Center for Grieving Children, ME; and Wild grief, WA.

We are grateful for the investment of the New York Life Foundation and the work of these organizations in positively impacting the lives of bereaved children and their families across the nation.

 



Educational Webinars

 



Board of Directors 

The NACG welcomed four new board members in the beginning of 2023:

  • Micki Burns, PhD, Chief Clinical Officer at Judi’s House
  • Michael Millward, Senior Advisor at National Partnership for Hospice and Healthcare Innovation
  • Brie Overton, FT, LPC, NCC, Chief Clinical Officer at Experience Camps
  • Adam Stevens, MA, RDT, Program Manager, Bereavement & Mental Health Services at the Hetrick-Martin Institute

Learn more about them here →

The Board continued centering Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Justice through direct participation in the Equity Project with Linara Davidson Greenidge.

 



Additional Updates

The NACG continues to update our resources and toolkits to ensure they are up to date in best practices and language. This quarter included updates to the NACG Holiday Toolkit.

The NACG continues to host monthly calls with leaders and members, including students/interns.

National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) Announces New Board Members

LUBBOCK, TX, December 16, 2022- With nominations coming from across the nation and following an election by the membership of the organization, the National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) are pleased to announce that its membership and Board of Directors has elected Michaeleen (Micki) R. Burns, Michael Millward, Brianne (Brie) Overton, FT, LPC, NCC and Adam D-F. Stevens, MA, RDT, as members of the Board of Directors for the National Alliance for Children’s Grief. Their term of service begins on January 1, 2023.

 


 

Michaeleen (Micki) R. Burns, Ph.D., Chief Clinical Officer at Judi’s House/JAG Institute and adjunct faculty at the University of Colorado

Michaeleen (Micki) Burns, PhD, is the Chief Clinical Officer at Judi’s House/JAG Institute and adjunct faculty at the University of Colorado. JH/JAG is a comprehensive family bereavement center in Denver. A Licensed Psychologist with two decades of experience providing therapeutic assessment and support to families facing adversity, Micki has witnessed the lasting impact of unaddressed grief. She is dedicated to ensuring appropriate care is available for all and raising childhood bereavement to a level of critical public importance. At JH/JAG she oversees the direct service, research, and training departments working towards a vision where no child is alone in grief.

 


 

Michael Millward

Michael Milward has been an attorney since 1981 and has worked in the end of life care and bereavement field since 1997.  He did his legal studies at Santa Clara University and his graduate work in Theology and Spirituality at the Graduate Theological Union at UC Berkeley.  He has worked with and been committed to grieving children and teens his entire career.  He has also been a hospice chaplain since 2000.  In 2012 he became the CEO at Hospice of Santa Cruz County on the central coast of California and served in that role until 2020.   He currently serves as the CEO of the California Hospice Network and as a senior advisor to the National Partnership for Hospice and Healthcare Innovation (NPHI), a national collective of almost 100 nonprofit community based hospices, all of whom have robust community grief support programs for children, teens and adults.  He sees a necessary and natural intersection with and between these hospice programs and the collective mission of NACG.

 


 

Brianne (Brie) Overton, FT, LPC, NCC, Chief Clinical Officer at Experience Camps

Brianne “Brie” Overton is the Chief Clinical Officer of Experience Camps, a national nonprofit that provides no-fee, clinically informed programs for kids who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling or primary caregiver – as well as resources and advocacy so all grieving children can live a life rich with possibility. Brie received her MA in Thanatology from Hood College, her M.Ed in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from University of Missouri – St. Louis, and is a doctoral candidate in counseling at the University of Missouri – St. Louis. She has spent 13 years in the field of thanatology providing grief education, support, counseling, death education, suicide prevention and intervention, and consultation.

 


 

Adam D-F. Stevens, MA, RDT, Registered Drama Therapist (RDT) who works at the Hetrick-Martin Institute and adjunct faculty member in the Creative Arts Therapy Programs at Antioch University in Seattle, and New York University and Marymount Manhattan College in NYC.

Adam D-F. Stevens (they|them), MA, RDT. They are a Registered Drama Therapist (RDT) who works at the Hetrick-Martin Institute, a non-profit organization that serves LGBTQAI+ youth in NYC. Their role includes supporting queer youth in transforming their loss and grief into unapologetic, abundant joy and empowerment. Previously, Adam worked at the Cooke School & Institute, NYC, guiding young people with developmental an intellectual differences. They are alumni of Marymount Manhattan College and New York University where their areas of study included Theatre Arts and Drama Therapy respectively. Adam serves as an adjunct faculty member in the Creative Arts Therapy Programs at Antioch University in Seattle, and New York University and Marymount Manhattan College in NYC. They have sat on the Board of Directors for the North American Drama Therapy Association (NADTA) as Chair of the Cultural Humility, Equity, and Diversity Committee. Adam is a political and social justice theatre practitioner who has performed, directed, and choreographed throughout North America. In 2020, the were named Artistic Director for the Collideoscope Repertory Theatre Company (CRTC) whose mission is to advance racial justice and healing through artful affinity and performance. Adam works as a diversity, equity, and inclusion specialist supporting organizations and schools worldwide. In 2021, they were invited to be Drama Therapist-in-Residence with the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington, D.C. Adam has more recently connected with several Off-Broadway and university theatre companies as an actor’s advocate and emotional wellness consultant. Inspired by Robert Landy’s Role Method and Role Theory in drama therapy, Adam has presented on and is developing the Black American Role Taxonomy, or BART, offering space for Black clients to reclaim racialized roles and deconstruct stereotypes appropriated by privileged others. Adam’s superpowers are rooted in the fantastical forces of creativity and love.


 

The National Alliance for Children’s Grief is honored to have Micki, Michael, Brie and Adam join our mission of serving bereaved children and their families and help ensure that no child grieves alone.


About The National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG)

The National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) is a nonprofit organization that raises awareness about the needs of children and teens who are grieving a death and provides education and resources for anyone who supports them. Through the collective voice of our members and partners we educate, advocate and raise awareness about childhood bereavement.

The NACG is a nationwide network comprised of professionals, institutions and volunteers who promote best practices, educational programming and critical resources to facilitate the mental, emotional and physical health of grieving children and their families. For more information, visit: www.ChildrenGrieve.org.

“Dear Me” to 12 year old Brennan Wood

The NACG sent out a call for letters from those who experienced childhood bereavement. The letters were to be written to their younger self and hopefully show today’s grieving children and teens that there is a brighter future ahead.

The following letter came to us from Brennan Wood of The Dougy Center.


 

Dear 12-year-old-Brennan,

My heart hurts that this has happened to you. Not just your mom dying but all the chaos that is happening in the aftermath of this awful fact. I want you know how strong you are and, even though it might not feel like it in this moment, you will survive this. In fact, one day these exact events will inspire you to a career that helps other kids just like you. This career will somehow help you travel back in time to smooth out all the rough edges that you are feeling right now. It will feel like magic and comfort and hard work all rolled up into one.

There are a few things that I want you to know that might help you over the next 30 years.

I know that you feel like you are in the middle of an unrelenting storm, bobbing up and down in the ocean. Waves are crashing over you from all directions. Hold on. These waves will get easier to manage, I promise. The storm will lessen. You will learn to swim with the current. One day you will be walking on the shore with the waves calmly lapping at your ankles. You will always remember what it felt like to be gasping for breath in the storm – it will never go away completely – but it will get so much easier. I promise.

Hold onto the memories. There will be people who say, “you have to get over it” or that “you need to move on.” Don’t listen to them. Talk to the people who ask you about your mom – who aren’t afraid to use her name. Talk to the people who loved your mom and listen to their stories. Hold onto the memories of the Sears photo session of your Cabbage Patch Kid, the Halloween costumes, playing in mud puddles during a warm rain. Your mother taught you the art of making everyday a celebration – and you will try like hell to pass this down to your own kids – hold onto that during the hard times.

When you feel your heart breaking today, remember to let it break open. To let the beauty, joy and love that you have in your heart spill out and engulf you in light. Your life has had too much heartbreak, don’t deny this but instead recognize that it is this very fact that has added to the breadth and depth of who you are as a person. Part of your beauty will come from the hard times that you have experienced. Just for a moment each day, be grateful for that fact and try as often as possible to live in your life and not in your story.

Always hold as much compassion for yourself as you hold for others. (At least try. This one might take some time.)

I love you and I am so proud of you,
43-year-old-Brennan

“Dear Me” to 17-year-old Meredith

The NACG sent out a call for letters from those who experienced childhood bereavement. The letters were to be written to their younger self and hopefully show today’s grieving children and teens that there is a future ahead.

The following letter came to us from Meredith.


Dear Seventeen-year-old Meredith,

This is you in 2018. I would tell you that this is similar to how Dwight got faxes from himself in the future, but you haven’t started watching The Office yet.

This is me reaching out (or back) to you to give you a heads up on grief. Yes, you have grieved the losses of most of your grandparents by now. You got through that by doing temporary crazy things to your hair.

If you’re reading this, then I am assuming that May 25th, 2008 has already passed… and you are hurting. Bad.

Right now, things suck. You are probably still finding glass in your feet and hands from the accident (it’s going to take about a month for the stinging in your feet and hands to stop.) You might have gone back to school to finish up the year. If you are back at school, you have probably started skipping History because the teacher called you out for crying in class.

You have probably also experienced the stares from others that want to know more about what happened. You have also received more hugs than you are physically comfortable with (yes we still hate hugs in the future). Also, I know you are consistently thinking “why wasn’t it me” and are replaying that moment of her calling “shot gun” before getting in the car over and over.

You have also heard people say that they wish it was you instead of her, and that only makes the guilt worse.

I want to tell you that you are going to get through this. And I’m going to tell you how.

Music saves your life. You will be turning 18, and it will open so many possibilities. You are going to get an offer that you will not want to turn down. I won’t give any spoilers, but it involves you traveling away from that gossipy town, and hanging with your music idols for an entire Summer. This is going to save your life, so DO IT. Yes, mom and dad are on board with a lot of persuasion. I would also advise staying off Facebook and Myspace, plus you will be too busy to check anyways.

I also want to give you a heads up on things that are going to suck. History isn’t going to get better. Talk to mom and your advisory counselor and make arrangements to take the final early.

Also, the “mandatory grief counseling” at school is awful. It’s going to turn into a talk show where you are interviewed by everyone asking what happened. You will probably say some really profane things towards one specific person…. Worth it. The good news is that your advisory counselor gets you out of that situation fast.

Also, no one is willing to cover your shifts at work. You will cry at work often, so do yourself a favor and invest in waterproof makeup and carry tissues in your apron. Your GM finally sees how this is affecting you, and will let you go on leave.

Your car rides in the morning have also added 20 minutes to your commute time to school. This is so so crucial. Any time you drive by the crash site, you can’t breathe. So take the extra 20 minutes to take the back way to school and to work.

I hope you listen to you, and do these things. It’s going to suck for a long time. I can’t really give you a time of when things seemed better, but I can tell you that there were many good days.

You enjoy the big school events, you go to college, and you use this experience to help you when other rough situations come up.

Now in 2018, it’s been 10 years since they died. You are compassionate towards their families, and send flowers every year. You go into a career that you probably never imagined that you would do, and you love it. There are still days when it hurts, but you will have ways of taking care of yourself when things get hard. For now, go easy on yourself and stop listening to what other people say.

You’re going to get through this, and things will be okay.

-Meredith

“Dear Me” from Dougy Center Staff

The NACG sent out a call for letters from those who experienced childhood bereavement. The letters were to hopefully show today’s grieving children and teens that there is a brighter future ahead.

The following letter came to us from the staff at The Dougy Center.


This letter is a compilation from the staff at The Dougy Center to their younger grieving selves…

Dear Me,

We hate that this happened to you. Nothing will ever make it okay that it happened – and – you will be okay. Even when it feels like everything is wrong and messed up and ruined, you’re still okay. Are people telling you how to feel? It happens. Some people will worry that you don’t show enough emotion, others will worry that you show too much, but you know you are just you… the you who is figuring it out. The you who is making it through another day. The you with all the feelings and thoughts that come with grief. Just be you – even if you don’t know exactly who you are some days. When you’re overrun with other people’s opinions, try to remember everyone grieves differently. There’s a good chance you might find their way of grieving to be frustrating, maddening, or concerning, but be patient with yourself and others. Try not to compare yourself to your siblings or the adults around you because each person grieves in the way that is right for them.

Here’s the secret about grief no one tells you: You can be strong & okay and still have big feelings that seem overwhelming. Having big feelings doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or you’re doing grief wrong. You are totally normal if you feel sad, happy, guilty, tired, angry, relieved, anxious, confused, short-tempered… and just about any other feeling under the sun (or none of those feelings). There’s no right way to grieve, and no one way that grief should or does feel.

So, if it’s okay and normal to feel like a confused mess, what can you do to help when that mess feels like too much? Grief can be very lonely but try to remember you aren’t alone. It may feel that way sometimes… or a lot of the time… but there are more people supporting you than you will ever realize. There will likely be times when your feelings tumble over each other like a pile of unruly puppies – when that happens, take a moment (or 10) to hang out with them. Find a person or place that allows you say hello to and express those feelings. Seek out people who feel safe and accepting. If they start a sentence with “Don’t feel that way” or “At least you’re still…” or “You’re overreacting,” look for someone else to talk to!

What else can you do? Ask people about your person who died, they have stories that will help you know them even better than you already do. Some of those stories will make you laugh, some will make you cry, and some might make you mad that you didn’t get to do those things with the person. When you have time and if it feels okay, imagine what you would be doing and talking about with your person if you did get to do those things.

Two last suggestions – take them or leave them because unsolicited advice can feel less than helpful:

  1. Be good to your body – sleep when you can, eat things that are nutritious, drink water, and move around. Bonus if you find some way of moving that helps you focus and gives you a break from the heartbreak. Remember how much you love to shoot hoops?
  2. What still makes you laugh and feel excited? Do more of that!

Okay younger self, we need to sign off, but we are here, thinking of you, and sending love and support through the airwaves. You’ve got this. We know your heart, it is strong and kind. Don’t forget to save some of that kindness for yourself.

Your older, but not that old, self,

Us

“Dear Me” to 7-year-old Frannie

The NACG sent out a call for letters from those who experienced childhood bereavement. The letters were to be written to their younger self and hopefully show today’s grieving children and teens that there is a future ahead.

The following letter came to us from Frannie


 

Dear Me (at 7),

It has been exactly 40 years since your father died. I bet you didn’t think you would have survived? I am sure you didn’t think his death would impact your entire life. I know you spent many nights crying before bed, wishing your surviving parent would notice and try to comfort you. I know you struggled to pay attention in school because your school days were better spent day dreaming about him than learning. I know you felt different throughout your entire school years; not knowing anyone else who experienced the death of a parent can be lonely. I know you learned talking to him was a comfort to you and doing this quietly did not draw too much attention to yourself.

Your healing occurred slowly and without community resources, nothing existed during the 80’s or 90’s in your neck of the woods. You were able to move yourself through the process, and yes, at times you had to stop and rest, even pretending it didn’t happen.

I remember one time you created a story of his leaving the country as a reason he was not in your life because death was just too final. The problem with that, as you soon realized, is that it wasn’t helpful because he never came home. Those stories served to make the time go by and offered you some strength to grieve on your own because no one paid attention or knew how to identify or even support grieving children/teens.

Grief was with you always and if you had been given the opportunity to grieve sooner, maybe things would’ve been different…or maybe not? The college years seem to be the time that you learned about grief and its impact on you. During that time you were able to reflect and understand the impact of not being able to speak of your father openly for a number of years because it “upset your step father” and didn’t “fit” with this new family life.

I am sorry you didn’t have the support that you now provide to others. Your commitment to other grieving families in your community has been beneficial to those bereaved. It saddens me that you kept your grief isolated from others all that time, but you survived. Eventually, you did learn how to catch up mourning. The universe put loving people in your life, and they were able to give you what it is said you give to others – a compassionate listening ear and simple care and concern. These life angels never judged or made attempts to stop your grief process; therefore, you were able to heal. Yes, we know the emotional pain has subsided, but grief bursts do occur on occasion.

Although I know you still wonder how life could be different for you if your dad had lived, you understand this to be a part of your grief. With all the pain and lack of resources at that time, you did find your own support. Finding that helped mold you into who you are both personally and professionally. Had you not experienced any of this, I don’t think you would be what you are today, a Grief Therapist, serving other bereaved children, teens and families in both individual and group settings. I know you enjoy your life, continue doing what you love.

All my love,

Frannie

“Dear Me” from Amanda

The NAGC sent out a call for letters from those who experienced childhood breavement. The letters were to be written to their younger self and hopefully show today’s grieving children and teens that there is a brighter future ahead.

The following letter was written by Amanda.


 

Dear Me,

I can still remember the day Dad died. I remember the chilly October afternoon, the quietness that surrounded me. I remember feeling like I was in a fog for the next few weeks. I remember thinking nothing was ever going to be the same and feeling like that meant good. And while things were never the same as they were before Dad died, things did become good again.

I have realized that grief never goes away. It just changes. I will always miss Dad. There have been times that I longed for his advice, like when I got married, or when I became a parent. Becoming a parent is how I have truly accepted my grief. I share stories of Dad with my girls and I see some of him in them. That is how I know he lives on.

After a while you will be able to talk about him and look at pictures of him without feeling sad. You will remember him with joy and feel grateful to have known him. You will still have German chocolate cake on his birthday and get a little sad every October.

But remember he wants you to live and be happy, so go to the party. Fight to make your dreams come true. It’s ok to smile and enjoy life after he dies. That is what he wants from you. Try out for the school play, join dance team and smile, go away to college, your siblings will be ok. Listen to happy music again.

It is ok, you are loved.

Sincerely,
Me