What to Say Instead

We thank you for your commitment to practicing flipping the script. It is important to consider the words we use while supporting children and teens who are grieving. As you flip the script, make sure you’re equipped. View the NACG Listening Guide HERE to help ensure you know the best way to be a good listener and support person for these children.

Grief is deeply personal, and everyone’s experience is unique. Offering support during such a time should be approached with care and understanding, recognizing that what helps one person may not help another. The best way to support someone who is grieving is to ask them what they need. By acknowledging that grief support is contextual and can vary from individual to individual, we create space for the person to guide us on how to be there for them in the most meaningful way.

Hover over the boxes below to learn how to flip the script based on what we may say with an option of what to say instead.

 

The holidays must be so hard for you.

I’m so happy to see you. I know sometimes the holidays can be hard after someone dies.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I know there are no words to make it better. Just know that I’m here and want to support you however I can.

I completely get what you're going through.

Grief is different for everyone. What has it been like for you?

Shouldn’t you be over grieving by now? The death happened a while ago.

Is your grief feeling extra heavy right now?

You need to be strong.

You might feel like you need to be strong, but you don’t have to be with me.

I heard your [parent] died. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing okay.

I know your [person] died. I want you to know you can talk to me about this if you want to. I care about you and want to support you.

How are you?

Nice to see you. How is your day going?

Your [person] wouldn’t want you to be sad.

It is okay that you are feeling sad. We can talk about it if you want.

You must be so sad and really miss your person.

I don’t know what you’re going through, but I want to listen if you want to share.

I bet this time of year is hard for you.

Holidays can be hard after someone dies. How are you feeling about [blank] next week?

They’re in a better place.

When people die they can leave a space in our life. What’s something that’s comforting right now?

Tell me how they died.

Tell me about them.

Everything happens for a reason.

"When people die they can leave a space in our life. What’s something that’s comforting right now?"